


Can You Hear Me

by sweetvoid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Some fluff too, Suicide Attempt, a little bit of everything basically, kuroo and tsukki dated in the past but are long broken up, kuroo's feelings and motives are unknown, maybe some smut, tsukki basically hates kuroo at this point, yams is just an innocent bystander trying to help out his best friend any way he can
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:36:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetvoid/pseuds/sweetvoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima is currently living with his best friend, Yamaguchi. Everything in his life is going very well until he get's a call from someone from his past that turns his whole world upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Phone Call

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my mess of a fic, there will be multiple parts and it might not be well written but I'll try my hardest! I can't promise that this will be a happy story but it all depends, maybe I'll change my mind. Anyway, I love Kurotsuki and wanted to write something about them. I haven't written in a really long time so this might not be fantastic and I'll probably change a lot up later but it's good enough for now. I hope you enjoy it!

Tsukishima didn’t know how long he had been staring at his best friend and as of recently, his roommate, but when Yamaguchi turned to look at him he had a confused look on his face.

“What is it Tsukki?” 

The calm expression Tsukishima had put on was quickly erased by his ever-present smirk. 

“Sorry Tadashi, I was just admiring how pretty you are.”

This caused Yamaguchi’s face to turn a bright red.

“Wh-what are you saying?!”

Tsukishima snickered, “Don’t worry I was only kidding. I was thinking about how weird it is that we’re living together now. You aren’t exactly who I pictured spending my college years with.”

“Well I’m _sorry_ that I don’t live up to your expectations, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said with a small pout on his face.

Tsukishima smiled at this and let out a small laugh, which caused Yamaguchi to do the same. Soon they were both laughing, although they didn’t quite know what was so funny. Their laughter died down and soon the room was enveloped in a comfortable silence.

Soon after, the comfort was broken by a sharp ringing and Tsukishima stared at his phone. Yamaguchi was looking at him with a concerned expression on his face.

“Aren’t you going to answer?”

“I don’t know the number and besides it’s almost midnight. I don’t know who could possibly be calling me.”

“Tsukki-“

Tsukishima threw a menacing look his way. He thought that the number looked slightly familiar but he couldn’t remember from where. He knew that Yamaguchi had definitely noticed something weird with his reaction and would surely pester him about it. _I guess I have no choice..._

“Hello?” his voice cracked slightly. He didn’t know why his heart was beating so fast but as soon as he heard the voice on the other end of the line respond, he understood.

“Tsukishima? Is that you?” 

Tsukishima let out an almost inaudible noise.

“It’s me, Kuroo.”

A million emotions poured over him and he couldn’t figure out which one he wanted to react with. Eventually he pulled out a staggered response that came out a lot colder than he meant it to.

“Why,” was the only thing he could muster. He knew his voice was shaking and he tried to hold everything back by balling up his fist. 

“What do you want,” he growled. It had been almost four years since the two of them had talked. It had been hard on Tsukishima but he had gotten through it and was even at the point where he could say he had finally moved on. _Why is he calling me now? Why is he doing this? Why. Why. Why. Wh-_

“I’m sorry if you don’t want to talk to me. Please just hear me out.” He could hear the desperation in Kuroo’s voice and felt his heart falter slightly. He didn’t say anything, but he knew he didn’t have to. Kuroo knew him well enough to know that he would always listen. Always. 

“I wanted to apologize to you. For everything. Look, I’m going through a really tough time right now and I just really needed you to know that I regret everything I did to you and if you never want to speak to me again I understand. I just need you to know how sorry I am.” 

Tsukishima felt the frown on his face growing larger. _What the fuck is this. A half-assed apology? He’s going through a rough time? Why the fuck should I care. What about the rough 5 years he put me through? Fuck you, Kuroo._

He couldn’t bear to say any of this to the person desperately awaiting a response though. He glanced at Yamaguchi who was staring intently at him, eyes as wide as the sun. By the look on his face, Tsukishima guessed that he had figured out who was calling him. He scribbled on a note and handed it to his best friend. It said “Kuroo. Going outside for a bit.” And with that he put on his coat and shoes and was out the door. He walked down the flight of stairs and sat on the bottom step. He could hear light tears coming from the phone. Taking a deep breath, he finally responded. 

“What’s going on Kuroo?” he almost whispered. Saying his name out loud again felt weird and unnatural, like it was a name never meant to leave his lips. 

“Tsukki, I-“

“Don’t call me that,” Tsukishima snapped. He couldn’t handle that, not right now. He had no right to be using a nickname for him, hell he barely had any right to be saying his name at all. 

“Tsukishima,” he started again, “I’m sorry-“

“You said that already.”

“Please stop interrupting me.”

And so he stopped. Kuroo went on and Tsukishima could hardly believe anything he was hearing. He thought he had known Kuroo pretty well, but after this he didn’t know anything. He didn’t know what to say to any of it. He couldn’t believe half of what he was hearing, it made his heart and his head hurt and all he wanted was to run to Yamaguchi and try to sort all of this out. 

After a little over two hours, they finally said their goodbyes. 

“If you ever want to talk again Tsukishima, it would make me really happy. You don’t have to of course. Just don’t forget me, okay? And Tsukishima…please take care.”

“Yeah,” Tsukishima mumbled, “You too, Kuroo.”

Hanging up his phone, Tsukishima started back up the stairs. He felt like he was in a trance. None of this was real. He entered his apartment and was met with a very anxious Yamaguchi sitting on the couch. 

“Tsukki…” 

Tsukishima collapsed onto his best friend. Looking his friend in the eyes, he started to tell him everything.

“Yamaguchi, you’re not going to believe any of this.”


	2. Apology and Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone call between Kuroo and Tsukishima that leaves Tsukki completely confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A complete mess chapter 2! Not much love for yams in this chapter but he'll be in the next chapter plenty! I actually enjoyed writing this chapter a lot because I found it quite challenging. I hope you enjoy it!

“Tsukki are you really sure about all of this?” 

Yamaguchi’s eyes pleaded with Tsukishima’s, concern spread across every inch of his face. 

Tsukishima sighed and nodded, unable to speak. It was all too much for him. 

“I’m going to sleep,” Tsukishima got up and turned to look at Yamaguchi. “Please don’t worry about me. Just forget any of this happened.”

Before Yamaguchi could get in another word, Tsukishima had walked into his room, slamming the door behind him. 

Maybe he was being too harsh with Yamaguchi. He knew that he was only trying to help, but it didn’t make Tsukishima feel any better. He walked over to his bed and face planted into his pillows, not even bothering to get undressed. He slowly moved to take off his glasses and put them on his nightstand. With a small groan, he turned over to lie on his back. As he stared at the ceiling, he let his thoughts wander back to Kuroo. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight, anyway. 

~

“What do you mean you tried to kill yourself, Kuroo?”

“What do you think it means Tsukishima? It means what it means. Do you want me to go into detail? Do I have to spell it out for you? That I fucking wrapped a cord around my neck and almost-“

“Kuroo stop,” Tsukishima pleaded. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry; I was just caught off guard. Are you okay?”

“Well I’m getting the help I needed so, I guess you could say I’m okay. They finally gave me the okay to go back home so I guess they think I’m making progress. This is the first night I’ve been back though and honestly it feels so weird. It feels like I don’t belong here. That’s partly why I called you; I was scared and felt like you would understand. Also, my therapist told me I needed to make a list of people that I felt I had wronged in my life and needed to apologize to. You were the only person on that list, Tsukki. I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I was horrible to you back then-“, Kuroo let his words trail off and Tsukishima knew he was waiting for a response. He just didn’t know what to say. _I’m scared for you._

After a few minutes, Kuroo spoke again. “Tsukishima, are you happy?”

“Hm? I suppose I am. A lot has changed since the last time we talked. I’m an entirely different person than the person you knew in high school.”

“Ah yes, a mature college student now, wise beyond your years, I’m sure you’ve fully matured and have infinite wisdom that your peers could never hope to understand.”

Tsukishima frowned. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?” 

“I’m only joking, Tsukki!” Kuroo said with a slight laugh. “I may have changed too, but at least I still have my good looks and my astounding-“

“Sense of humor?” Tsukishima interrupted with a smile.

“Heh, I guess I haven’t changed that much after all.”

Tsukishima smiled to himself. It wasn’t that Kuroo hadn’t changed; it was just that he was always so predictable. Even when they had been dating Tsukishima could finish all of Kuroo’s sentences with ease. And he did constantly, if only because of the annoyed grimace that would always surface on Kuroo’s face after.

“So, I guess I should apologize some more, huh?” _You think?_

“Why do you say that?”

“Well…all I’ve said is I’m sorry and stuff. I haven’t told you why. There’s no way you would forgive me on such a simple apology.” 

“Mm” Tsukishima contemplates this for a second before responding “But the fact that you called is enough for me, Tetsurou.” He cringes, knowing that Kuroo will immediately sense the taunt in his words. He really didn’t mean to be an asshole right now, but there were still so many feelings that he was trying to hold back that he couldn’t help himself. 

Kuroo let out a hearty laugh. “Oh, Tsukki! Just when I thought you had changed. Don’t go trying to trick me. I know I hurt you a lot. I really need you to understand just how sorry I am.”

“It was a long time ago Kuroo. It doesn’t matter anymore.” _Except it does matter. It will always matter, no matter how much time passes._

“Tsukki it does matter.”

“What are you even apologizing for then?” Tsukishima can feel his anger growing. Kuroo was stalling, probably trying to pull the same shit he always did. _I’ll never get a straight answer out of him. It’s always a different story, a different excuse._

“For hurting you, of course. You were the best thing to ever come into my life, Tsukki. I know I treated you horribly. I know how you felt, how you thought I was just using you, and maybe it ended like that but I swear it wasn’t like that at first. I really did care about you-“

“And then you broke up with me.” Tsukishima’s voice was ice cold.

“And then I broke up with you. I know. And there are no excuses for the way I treated you after either.”

“You mean using me to make yourself feel better every time a new relationship ended badly for you? Using me to ease your _frustrations_? Knowingly giving me false hope just so you could get off a few times? Ignoring me for months at a time and then texting me only when it was convenient for you? Only when you wanted me to come over and-“

“Tsukki you could have said no. I didn’t make you do anything.”

“ _Could have said no?_ Are you fucking kidding me? That was never even an option for me and you know it. You knew how I felt; you knew that I loved you and that I wouldn’t ever deny another chance to be with you, even if it was only for a few hours. Every time I went over to your house, the only thought that mattered to me was the fact that it could be the last time. I didn’t want to miss a single chance I had to be with you, even if it wasn’t quite the way I wanted. Don’t even pretend like you didn’t know, Kuroo. Don’t pretend like you weren’t a shitty person.” 

Tsukishima’s breathing was ragged , slightly out of breath from saying everything he had dreamed of telling Kuroo for the past 4 years. There was only silence from the other end of the line, and Tsukishima desperately wished he were standing in front of Kuroo right now. He wished he could see Kuroo’s face fall, covered in anguish, at the bluntness of Tsukishima’s words. He wished Kuroo could see the icy stare that hadn’t left Tsukishima’s eyes since this conversation started. 

“Tsukki…” Kuroo paused as if he was unsure he could continue with what he was about to say. “You know how in movies the guy always ends up with the wrong girl, even though the right one is in front of him the whole time? He can just never see it? I mean, I don’t mean to be presumptuous but I feel like you’ve always been that person for me. The right one, I mean. The one I can never see even though it’s always you that I come back to.” Kuroo pauses as if trying to pick his next words carefully. “I know we haven’t spoken in a while, and I know it’s not my place. I have no right to be saying all of this. I just want you to know I still have feelings for you.”

Tsukishima’s anger is replaced with an extreme amount of confusion and he starts laughing uncontrollably. 

“What the fuck is that Kuroo? You sound like you’re trying confess to a teenage girl, dumbass.”

He can feel Kuroo’s scowl through the phone.

“It was the best analogy I could think of,” he grumbled.

“I hope you don’t expect the feeling to be mutual.”

“I don’t,” Kuroo says immediately. “I just want to make sure you know.” 

“Well good. As long as you know that…” Tsukishima knew he still hadn’t received an adequate answer to anything that he wanted to know. He knew that Kuroo hadn’t given a clear response, but what could he expect. _Same old Kuroo, possibly even more stupid that he was back then…_ Tsukishima laughed to himself. 

Silence filled the phone again, but this time it wasn’t out of anger. It was a comfortable silence, one that Tsukishima had missed more than he cared to admit. 

They continued to talk for a while, about life, about what they were doing, what they were planning to do. Tsukishima learned that Kuroo had taken a break from university and was currently working at his uncle’s shop full time, and he seemed to be happy there. He learned that he was currently living with his grandparents because things with his parents weren’t going so well. He learned that Kenma had gone to study abroad for the past year so Kuroo was very lonely. And most importantly, and probably most dangerously, he learned that Kuroo still loved him. And Tsukishima was afraid that he loved Kuroo back. 

~

Tsukishima hadn’t even realized he fell asleep, but when he woke up in the morning everything hurt. He didn’t want to get out of bed and face what had happened last night. _I can’t love Kuroo. I forgot about him so long ago I just…I can’t…_

He especially didn’t want to face Yamaguchi. 

\--- “You know this spells disaster, don’t you Tsukki?” had been the only thing Yamaguchi could say. 

“I do,” Tsukishima had said matter of factly. 

“Are you really sure about all of this?” --- 

Tsukishima groaned and hopped out of bed. What he was going to do about this entire situation, he had no clue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here we go, now on to the (hopefully) good and happy parts?  
> I feel like there are still some confusing points that aren't explained very well but it will all unfold in time, don't worry!


	3. Breaking Promises

_It’s cold._ Tsukishima was walking from his apartment to the animal shelter where he volunteered. It wasn’t a place most people would guess that he worked, but he actually enjoyed it a lot. He worked with the cats and even though he would never admit it, seeing them was probably one of his favorite parts of the week. 

Once he arrived he quickly settled into his routine of greeting each cat by name, until he noticed a small black one he had never seen before. 

“Yachi, did we get a new cat in?” Tsukishima asked the small blonde girl walking through the door.

“Oh yeah! She was dropped off last night! Someone found her wandering a park and brought her here.”

“What’s her name?” 

“We haven’t thought of one yet! Do you have any suggestions?” 

“What about Yoru?”

“Yoru hm? I like it! Yoru it is!” Yachi said with a huge smile. She was always smiling, really. She had been like that for as long as Tsukishima had known her. Normally people like Yachi, the ones that were always happy and full of energy, were the type of people he liked to stay far away from but he found her presence comforting most of the time. 

Tsukishima reached out to pet the small cat, “Hey Yoru, how are you?” 

He smiled as she pushed her head into his hand, purring. He took out his phone to take a picture of her. 

_Kuroo would like this cat._

Tsukishima hissed under his breath as Kuroo suddenly popped into his head. He had promised Yamaguchi that he wouldn’t talk to him again, as much as he wanted to. He knew his best friend was right when he said nothing good would come from letting Kuroo back into his life, even if it was just as friends. 

_But sending him one picture couldn’t hurt, right?_

Sighing, Tsukishima opens his messages and types out a short one to Kuroo.

[10:04] Hey, I hope it’s okay that I’m texting you. I saw this cute cat while I was at work and thought you would appreciate it. 

[10:06] Tsukki!!! Of course it’s okay! I’m so so happy that you want to talk to me, I didn’t think you would after the other night! And that cat is so cute!! Definitely send me more cat pictures in the future :)

Tsukishima let out a loud sigh and closed his phone.

“Everything okay?” Yachi asked in a slightly concerned tone.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll get back to work now.” Tsukishima smiled.

_What Yamaguchi doesn’t know won’t hurt him I suppose._

~ 

When Tsukishima got home later that day, it took Yamaguchi approximately .5 seconds to run up to him. 

“Yachi said you were acting strange at work today.” He said accusingly. “You weren’t talking to Kuroo were you?”

Tsukishima scowled as he looked down at Yamaguchi, who was currently glaring up at him. 

_So much for him not knowing._

It took him a few moments to respond. Lying to him was pointless, Yamaguchi knew him well enough to be able to see through anything he could possibly try to make up.

“It’s nothing, Yamaguchi. We were just texting a little is all.”

“Tsukki! You promised me!” Yamaguchi turned his lips into a sharp frown and Tsukishima felt a pain in his chest. He hadn’t meant to break his promise, really. He especially didn’t mean to upset his best friend. 

“I’m sorry, Tadashi. There was just this cat and it was so cute and I-“ he was stopped short by the look on Yamaguchi’s face.

“Since when do you talk about cats the same way you talk about dinosaurs?”

“It’s probably because Kuroo loves them,” Tsukishima said with a shrug. His face turned bright red at the sudden realization of what he had said.

“Wait, no, I didn’t mean it. I just…I…fuck.” 

“See Tsukki? You’re already letting him affect you in ways he wouldn’t have before! You’re a much better person than you were when you two dated. I don’t want to see you fall back into the same old patterns. I care about you and I don’t want you to be hurt again. I’m concerned for you is all. Obviously it’s your life and your choice and you can do as you please; I won’t be able to stop you. But please think it through. For me.”

Tsukishima let out a small huff and nodded. He turned away from Yamaguchi and walked to his room, calmly closing the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of his bed and slowly balled up his fists. He slammed them down on the mattress. 

_Fuck. What am I supposed to do._

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at it. He felt an overwhelming desire to text Kuroo. He wanted to ask him about his day, ask him what he had planned tomorrow, maybe ask if he had time to see him… 

_No no no I can’t. Yamaguchi is right, I need to think rationally about this. I can’t just let him back in after all the pain he caused me in the past, can I? I mean he seems different now. And mostly I just want to help him. I don’t want him to feel alone anymore._

He opened up his messages and immediately closed his phone before he could do something stupid. He decided against texting Kuroo, at least for now. He knew he would probably change his mind again tomorrow, but for now he could resist the urge. 

_I suppose the only thing to do now is sleep._

Tsukishima takes off his clothes and crawls into his bed. He puts his glasses on the nightstand and turns on his side so he can look out of his window.

_Kuroo…What is he doing right now? Has he thought about me even half the amount that I’ve thought about him today? I’m probably way overthinking things right? I want to be his friend but I’m also scared because I know if that happens, I’ll end up wanting something more. I could never be just friends with him…How does he always have this effect on me. Even in high school, he knew exactly what to say to make me come back. After years of hating him, it only took one conversation for all my feelings to come flooding back. What should I do…_

Eventually, Tsukishima closes his eyes to go to sleep. Deep in the back of his mind, he’s secretly hoping that he’ll dream of Kuroo tonight.


End file.
